I have had a bad case of discontent in the last few months. Discontent is an awful thing. It's why all those people on Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc. act the way they do. It ain't pretty.
All the while, I've been asking God (with the little bit of Holy Spirit left in me) to help me overcome this monster. I can't say I'm completely healed of discontent, but I'm on the mend. Christians often talk of trying to overcome besetting sins -- those sins that persistently trouble or harass us. For some it's drugs, for others it's food, and then there are the less obvious ones that trouble - like pride, fear, mistrust, and yes, discontent.
Do you know that the God of the universe reaches out to us? We do not see Him, and yet, He is in us if we belong to Him. He reaches across that line between the natural and the spiritual and reassures us that He is with us always -- even when we are battling the ugliest parts of ourselves. When we're losing the battle, He steps in.
In this latest battle with discontent, here are the ways God has reminded me of His love...
I woke up the other morning to hear my one-year old daughter singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" in her bed. God gave her to me.
I asked my four-year old son the other day what I would do when he grew up and moved away. He said, "Well, I'm going to marry you!" What love.
I watched Diary of a Mad, Black Woman again last night. Yes, I have issues with the movie, but there's a scene where the choir at the church begins singing about how we need the Lord. I cry every single time. It just reminded me of how very much He loves us.
I went to a doctor's appointment with my Dad last week and then we went to lunch together. I had him all to myself for a couple of hours. We talked about spiritual things and we talked about Mama. It was a divine appointment and one of the best days of my life. I love my Dad.
My husband told me I was beautiful.
My pastor preached about salvation and being filled with the Holy Spirit. It's been so long since I've heard the gospel preached. He reminded my why we sing about the Cross. My heart filled up to overflowing.
All five of my kids were being great at one time around the supper table the other night. It was loud and boisterous and happy. My husband and I just looked at one another and smiled without saying a word. All the love in the world was present in that moment.
And in all those times, I heard the words of the Lord:
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and rich in love." Psalm 145:8
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" I John 3:1a
"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you." Isaiah 30:18-19
And now I think of the song I consider to be the soundtrack of my life:
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you, yet I'm prone to leave the God I love. Bind my wandering heart to You with your goodness. You are great and greatly to be praised. Father, forgive me. Thank you for returning me to thankful.
